This is what I do.

I once had a client. We’ll call her “T”.  She was an English instructor at the local junior college. She had always loved singing, and found great fulfillment in sharing her gift at weddings of friends and in various local open mic opportunities. She originally came to me for help figuring out how to break in to a career as a vocalist. She wanted to rent a sound studio and use her summer vacation and life savings to record a demo.

When we first sat down, I said to her: “Here’s the deal. It may very well be true that being the next Mariah Carey is what you really want to do, but let’s talk about why. Because a year from now you could have no job and no bookings. Also lots of debt and even more fear and anxiety than you have now. And be living in your tour bus. So, let’s figure out now if what you think you want is the same thing as what you really want.

If you really want a singing career, I can help you get there. We can make that happen. But, it’s possible that being on the radio is simply what you think you want. Maybe you are just looking to feel more appreciated than you do in your current job. More independent, less like you’re watching the clock waiting for the faculty meeting to end. More appreciated and less used. More like a giver than a worker.

Whether you want to win a Grammy or win Teacher of the Year, if you let me into your life, then I can help you get what you really want.”

What people think they want and what they really want can often be two different things. For example, you might ask my friend “E.”, a very driven person, what he wants. He may say something like: “I want to become the CEO of this big company.” Then you ask how he will do that, and he’ll say get an MBA, start at the bottom, work really hard, make sacrifices in other areas of life, relocate if necessary, be totally committed, work overtime, impress the right people. Then you ask E. how he will feel when he’s achieved that, and he’ll probably say that he will feel proud of himself because he accomplished such a great and difficult thing.

What  E. really wants is to feel proud of himself. That’s it. The CEO thing seems like it’s the goal, but it’s really just a very complicated means to the end objective of feeling proud of himself. That’s why so many people, when they finally “get” the big deal thing they think they want, still feel empty and unfulfilled inside. They never really wanted to be a CEO, they just wanted to feel proud of themselves. And now they’re stuck.

I help you figure out what would make you feel proud of yourself. Then, you and I make a plan for how to get you what you’re looking for without wasting your energy and working all hours and never seeing your kids and losing sleep and probably getting a heart condition from all the stress that will wear you out and ruin your family and make you grumpy and in the end won’t give you what you need.

There are plenty more examples where that came from. There’s also:

• My friend the banker who dreams of opening his own artisan bread bakery.
• The single woman who thought she wanted to be married.
• The independent woman who thought she wanted to stay single.
• The consultant who thinks he wants to lose weight.
• The talent agent who really wanted to write.
• The indirect communicator who wanted to learn to speak her truth.
• The minister who hopes to be an actor.
• The attorney who feels photography is her passion.
• The people pleaser who wants to make his own decisions.
• The church secretary who thought she wanted to be a book editor.
• The controlling one who needs to set people free.
• The therapist who really wants to travel.
• The co-dependent man who thinks he wants to let go of his old relationship.

In each case, you and I drill down to the core of what it is you really want.

Then, I help you get it.

We all yearn to get in touch with our own power. To feel potent in our efforts and valued in our attempts. To be more gifted than capable. Further than that, we want to feel loved; most often experienced as being known and accepted for exactly who we are.

I teach self-leadership. I coach change. I infuse with responsibility. I provoke transformation. And it’s a marathon, not a sprint, starting with owning your choices up to this point and through taking responsibility for what happens next. All while finding and using that unique, inner mojo that we have all been given.

Self-leadership requires digging down deep and holding yourself accountable for your one wild and precious life. Not your kids’ or your parents’ or your boss’ or your employees’ or your BFF’s. Not your perceptions or your excuses or your fears or your fantasies or your dreams or your nagging regrets. Not your reputation or your product or your persona. You.

I can help you do that.

If you let me into your life, I can help you get what you really want.

This is what I do.

Will you let me in?