This is the second in a multi-part series about friendship. You can read the previous post here.
I’ve gotten some feedback that others have been thinking about this as well. One of my pals had a very challenging “girls weekend,” and felt confused and dissatisfied afterwards, like she was ungrateful for something everyone else unconditionally loves. I was reminded by other friends of the challenges that come with supporting friends at different stages of life; some dealing with aging parents, others single when you are not, or those still with babies when yours are driving. Lots to navigate.
So back to the story of us – Robyn and I, best friends since high school.
Robyn graduated one year ahead of me but stayed in town for college. Things stayed pretty much the same until I graduated and left for college in Nor Cal.
It was just like people say- you may lose touch day-to-day, but when I came home to visit, it was like no time had passed. We often joked about me moving back, and how if that happened we would probably spend the same amount of time together that we did when I lived a six hour drive away. Then I did, and we did.
Despite the inherent awkwardness of reuniting after over ten years of living in different towns, eventually we found our way back to each other.
We talked sometimes about the difference between having a history with someone and having a friendship with someone.
I can have a history with you because we both worked at the same place at the same time, we had a lot in common and watched the same tv shows and ate at the same places near our job. But once one of us leaves that job, we don’t really have a friendship. What we have is more like a history- a shared context for that period of time, which may or may not be meaningful, but that does not transcend that time or place.
Robyn and I share a bond that goes beyond the times that we’ve been together over the years. It’s a friendship forged not just by shared experiences, but by a faith that would not let either of us go. She has definitely been one of the most formative influences on my faith development as an adult.
I don’t think we consider our faith as it relates to our friendships very often.
Maybe your friends have always been those people in your life that shared a particular interest or circumstance.
My friend Amy and I were neighbors all through elementary school. We shared many toys and clothes, and walked to school together for years. There’s nothing like your first playmate friend.
Or my friend Karen in junior high, who introduced me to the wonder that is buttered cheerios. She also introduced me to tequila, but that’s another post.
My friends Lori and Jenni from college, who shared my passion for vocational ministry and who continue to inspire and challenge me with their faith and action.
Let’s not forget my dear friend Greg at graduate school who helped me see myself for the first time as a professional with a career, not just a job.
And of course there are many other friends made at different jobs over the years, at churches, parents of my kid’s friends, and of course my one special friend that is my husband.
But the difference between my friendship with Robyn and all of those friendships is significant. You’ll see why next time.
* “All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.
Leave a Reply