New Year's Resolution: You

My “new” friend Sarah wrote this weeks post; the last one of 2010. I met Sarah about 14 months ago, but I already can’t really remember a time when I didn’t know her. She is a seeker of truth who walks with contagious hope and rare determination, and I consider it a privilege to be a companion on her journey. I’ll be back next week with lots to say. I’ve missed you. See you soon.

If you haven’t received the memo, 2011 is less than 2 weeks away. As this rapidly approaching New Year is headed to a home near you, I wonder if you are like me and can’t help but reflect on this past year.

You need to know one thing about me: I was very unhappy this time last year. I mean, really, truly unhappy. December 2009 was not a good time for me.

December 2010 is also difficult for its own reasons, but I will say that I am in a completely different and one-hundred-million-times-better place now a year ago. I’m in a world of difference, in fact.

A lot can happen in a year, can’t it?

I experienced a lot of transition in 2010. My best friend moved away, one of my sisters graduated from college, many friends got married, two different friends got divorced, we lost my husband’s grandmother, moved across town, I had a falling out with my home church, I started a new career in an entirely new field, and had some significant marital issues to boot. And those are only the things that first come to mind; I know lots more took place.

Of course I had no clue all that would unfold in 12 short months, but I think what got me through it all was a change in my mentality as I approached the year. You see, in the past I’ve jumped on the bandwagon of American culture and made lists of New Year goals and resolutions.

I filled those lists with typical things; things like exercising everyday, eating better, sleeping more, saving the world and writing a book on it. Historically, for me those lists are short lived and putter out somewhere around… oh, say, March? (I am sure none of you have experienced this.)

What was different about this year was that I chose to throw out the list of resolutions and I chose to care more about two things: who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live.

I came up with two specific ways to lead my life: I wanted to be more inquisitive and live more simply. I had a sense that if I shaped my values for the year first and made decisions around those values that my behavior would follow, and ultimately I would become more healthy and whole.

It turns out that idea has helped me lead myself through the hardest parts of this year.

I’m learning (and I’m pretty sure this is a lesson I will learn over and over again until the day that I die) that perspective is everything. Perspective shapes how we think and feel about reality, and it allows us to see reality clearer. Perspective says that no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in, there is a bigger picture out there and nothing is the end of the world.

My perspective for the year was set – I was leading myself with specific values regardless of circumstances. I was committed to being a certain kind of person and living a certain kind of way.

One event in particular proved to be the most difficult context to lead myself in. My job situation had achieved “unbearable” status due to some significant organizational oversights and other personal issues. Though I was supremely unhappy and overworked, I had established many relationships there and was comfortable because I knew the territory (albeit dysfunctional) and my role. The situation was like an old ratty couch with exposed springs and stains that I needed to dump but simply couldn’t bear the thought of never napping on again.

It took me a few months to realize I could lead myself out of that situation. So I did. After all, I wanted to be more inquisitive. What jobs are out there? What other possibilities await me?

Though the new job I eventually chose to move into was far more promising, and frankly perfect for me, I was gripped with fear. I had led myself well but there were still many questions.

Will I succeed?

Will I make friends at work?

Will all the change of moving apartments, changing my weekly schedule, and learning a new skill in a completely new environment be worth it?

What if this is a mistake?

What if I’m unhappy?

Despite my fears, I led myself forward. My new position is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. My choice to jump streams and take on a role in an environment completely new to me has only fed my “resolution” to be a more inquisitive person. And you know what? All of the transitions around my new job have been a challenge but they have made my life better overall.

I made myself my resolution in 2010, and I believe I’ve been successful in leading my life into bigger and better things.

As I reflect on 2010 I see that the success of a year has more to do with who we are and not what events took place, because we can choose who we are even though we can’t control all of our circumstances. Our success doesn’t find itself in how often we go to the gym, eat a salad, or how many hours we sleep a night. Success is found within us, not in what we do or accomplish.

Who knows what 2011 holds for you or for me? Life is one big mystery. I will, however, ask you to reflect on a bigger, more important question this New Year:

Who do you want to be and how do you want to live?

Lead your life.