I often encounter a certain scenario with people I coach, wherein individuals will give me copious explanation and background while telling me what they think I need to know about their current situation that has brought them to me. It’s important to them that I know the context, have a sense of the story, understand who the players are and how they relate.
As an INFJ, I appreciate the effort, but it’s not like I can’t figure it out in the first few minutes of our conversation. Penelope Trunk says: “INFJs…… are great at seeing everything, and the most difficult thing for INFJs is they can’t believe everyone else does not see what they see. It’s like INFJs are wearing glasses that no one else can access.”
Ay-men.
A colleague took me out to lunch recently (always a good idea) to “pick my brain” about his professional development. He shared goals he’s set, feedback he’s gotten, successes and failures, frustrations and hopes. After 20 minutes, he hadn’t touched his empanadas and my plate was clean. He raised his fork and asked for my thoughts. I took a sip of iced tea, picked some pico out of my teeth, and said: “Use less words.”
I explained that the running theme throughout what he shared- and even how he shared it– was one of loquaciousness. Which is great in certain roles. Sales, publicity, fundraising, politics, even some parts of academia. It communicates gregariousness, extraversion; even generosity. But in his field, it also tended to make him appear indiscreet; unreserved and gossipy. Nobody wants to work with someone they perceive as a compulsive over-communicator. Except maybe the casting directors for the Real Housewives.
Of course it was difficult on one level for me to even say this to my peer. Penelope Trunk (again) says: “the INFJ sees through people almost immediately, yet the INFJ is reserved and slow to share the knowledge that comes so easily to them.” Truly, I’d much rather listen than speak and I always prefer to use 5 words when others might use 50.
As I reflected on our conversation later, though, I realized that the “less is more” motto that originated from a Robert Browning poem in 1855 and characterized certain minimalist architectural trends in the ’60’s still applies today. In fact, I’m gripped now more than ever by the idea of simplicity and clarity leading to best results.
Our lives keep getting busier, no matter how many good things we refuse. Work is demanding and requires attention and faithful stewardship. Relationships need maintenance as well as investment. Families, car repairs, meals, meetings, software glitches, faith commitments, education, figuring out where to go on vacation or what charity to donate to or what to stream on Netflix or how to get anywhere (I recommend Waze) all take resources.
What if this summer was characterized by following the “Less Is More” philosophy? What if the next time someone asked you to meet for dinner- or to work through dinner- you responded with: “No thanks. I’m trying to cut back.” A co-worker approaches you about the Fall Fantasy Football draft and you say “Not this year.” You begin to download another book on your Kindle or order a refill of your drink or book another gig or sign up for another class. You hear about interesting projects, fun opportunities, cool initiatives coming out. And you just. say. no.
How would your life change? And what would you do, then?
This is my summer of less is more. More is over-rated. I’m done with over-planning and multiple backups. This is not the season to try complicated new recipes or take up tennis or check my bags. I’m sticking with favorites in the summer menu rotation, running my standard 3-4 miles 3-4 days a week, and I’m bringing one carry on and buying whatever else I need when I get there. I’m going to begin with the end in mind and then stop when I reach the end.
Don’t mistake this for laziness or fear. If I’m resisting anything, I’m resisting cramming my schedule and then spreading myself too commensurably thin. I’m fighting against busyness, as cliche as that sounds. I’m taking a stand for intention.
If you’d like to join me, let me know. If not, no worries. Just don’t call me to discuss it. I’m not so much answering my phone these days.
Are You Leading The Life You Want?