A few weeks ago, I had the chance to give some advice to about 50 “new” leaders. By “new” I mean relatively-untested, still full of hope and ideals, anxious to prove themselves worthy of their roles and responsibilities. My comments were supposed to relate to the theme of integrity, and these were leaders who view leadership as more of a lifestyle than an option or circumstance. Which meant I couldn’t give my usual “take a Xanax and get over your bad self” pep talk.
Which was too bad, because I kill with that speech.
Instead, I plagiarized.
Sonia Simone wrote a great post for Copyblogger a few weeks ago on what it takes to be a great leader, and I adapted it for my audience. It’s one of those messages that is so true, there’s almost nowhere I can think of that it doesn’t apply at all. So naturally, it was only a matter of time before I shared it with you here.
Sonia started out talking about how most of us are familiar with Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser. People either love her or hate her. She screams at contestants and she calls workouts “beatings”. Professional trainers have been known to cringe at her technique.
She’s also widely adored and credited with inspiring thousands of people to lose weight. All those people she yells at seem to genuinely love her. The question Sonia (and then I posed) was: Do you think Jillian is a role model for how we can lead and inspire those we are leading? Or is she an abusive train wreck that we should avoid at all costs?
My answer: It depends.
Think about your group of friends; your leadership team; your staff. Chances are your groups are like mine— there’s one or sometimes two people in each of those groups (depending on size), that has a big personality. (No, that person is not me. But thanks. Really.) On a staff I was a part of several years ago, my strong personality colleague expressed herself forcefully, was not very big on self-doubt, and liked drama. She was about doing big things, going all or nothing. Making the grand gestures. She had a huge heart, and she was not what you’d call soft-spoken.
Some people love this colleague. She says what she thinks, she doesn’t mess around, she calls it like it is. She tells you when you’re selling crazy. Like Jillian says, there are no excuses allowed with her. (Unless they’re hers. But that’s another post.)
Often, other people couldn’t handle this colleague for more than 5 minutes at a time. My guess is they were pretty straight shooters already, and they found her annoying, maybe too emotional. Expressive all over the place.
Another colleague, at the same organization, was a very soft-spoken, empathetic individual who was extremely effective at helping people walk through very difficult times, to handle tough issues and situations with grace, and to do what was best for them.
Those who prefer leaders who operate with a more kick-in-the-pants method may not ever have noticed my quieter co-worker- that would mean he wasn’t the best leader for them. But gentler, more tender souls were often glad he was around, and they got a lot of value out of time spent with him. They could follow his advice and benefit from it, rather than being scared of the loud one.
Which one was the better leader?
You might think my big-voiced peer had the right stuff—not afraid to tell it like it is, gets results.
Or, you might think the soft-spoken one would be great at helping people process through what they need to do in their role, and in helping others find confidence by showing them just how much can be accomplished by quieter individuals.
And, in both cases, you’d be right.
I’d fire Jillian Michaels in a New York minute, because I do not respond well to that kind of approach. But thousands of people would do anything to train with her. Others share my common sense that throwing up after meeting with one’s coach is not a goal worth having.
Here’s my point: Your leadership style has to be yours and yours alone. No one else’s. Having integrity in leadership means not faking or imitating someone else’s style or approach. You must be true to yourself.
Putting on someone else’s leadership style will only make you look like a fool.
If you’re going to lead anyone, including yourself, you’ve got to start with your own gifts. You can’t clothe yourself in someone else’s leadership style like it’s a permanent Halloween costume. Leadership is not a mask. It comes from who we are.
A few years ago, a team I led had a saying: “Be who you are. Do what you do.” It started out as a half joke/half revision of the Yogurtland slogan: “You rule.” We’d say it when one of us was about to step onstage, when we left each other, when we had to handle something funny or inconvenient or daunting. Darned if that phrase didn’t start sounding profound about halfway through our time together. It served as a profound reminder that we led best when we were most fully ourselves.
The purpose of our life is not to grow to be other people. You are not here to become someone else. The purpose of your life is to lead and live from who you are. Not who you want to be someday or wish you were already.
Of course there is more to leadership than just being yourself. We can’t excuse failures by saying “Welp, I’m just not a detail-oriented person so that’s why I forgot to make payroll for the last year/follow directions/do anything other than pontificate ambiguously for hours.” Being yourself is important. It’s way more important in leadership than you have ever thought before. But it’s not the whole game.
The whole game is becoming the best version of yourself you could possibly be. It’s about asking yourself: What can ONLY I do? And then wait for the answer.
Start by asking yourself: “What difference do I make on this committee/staff/team? What would this group or organization be like if I wasn’t a part of it? What about my role in my family? With my friends? At soccer practice? At the bar?” And listen to what comes up.
Be yourself. You have everything you need to do everything you need to do. And be.