I had the privilege of being on a panel for female college student leaders last weekend at one of the most inspirational places I know, on the topic of women in leadership. I was a bit nervous beforehand and was fighting a wicked cold, but of course as soon as I saw the women I forgot all about that and just wanted to be immediate friends with every single one of them.
Three or four women approached me afterwards and asked if they could have coffee with me sometime and talk about what I do and how they may want to do it, or something similar, someday. I said yes, of course. They may want to talk about grad school, internships, entry-level jobs and LinkedIn. I will want to talk about how they really don’t need a plan for their future as much as they think they do.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally endorse Meg Jay’s perspective about claiming one’s twenties, and not “wasting” time. Goals are great. Knowing your interests and going on informational interviews is admirable and proactive, and will most likely only help you on your journey.
But clinging too tightly to decisions or ambitions that you committed to at one specific point in your life can also prevent you from being open to other, better options down the road. Opportunities that you may not even imagine at one specific point in your 20th year on the planet.
Don’t assume that you will be the primary caregiver when you have kids and so pick something to study that you eventually could drop back to part time for, like teaching or nursing or vocational ministry or bookkeeping or writing.
Because maybe one day you will create a new kind of shoe and discover you have a passion for entrepeneurship. Maybe after your cat dies you remember how much you loved animals and want to be a vet. Maybe you’ve always dreamed of becoming a pilot.
Don’t decide that you would rather be a full time mom so it doesn’t matter what you study in college or whether you go abroad or get an internship ever.
Not because I’m against full-time moms (I think all moms are full time, but that’s another post), but because you never know what will happen to that very worthwhile goal.
Maybe you will adopt a 12-year old who goes away to college when you are 35 and then you realize you’d love to live in another country. Maybe you will marry a man who already has children and the means to provide full-time childcare, so you find yourself with quite a bit of free time. Maybe you wake up one day and you’re 42 and single and you realize you’d like to get your MBA, and your work says they will pay for it.
Plans aren’t bad.
Rigid plans that allow for no deviation or change whatsoever are like the safest, most comfortable and well-decorated prison cells that you can possibly build for yourself.
In her book “Lean In,” Sheryl Sandberg confesses that she doesn’t have a plan. She says: “The reason I don’t have a plan is because if I have a plan I am limited to today’s options.”
I know it feels like this is The. Time. in your life to make The. Big. Decisions. And you’re not wrong if you get married at 22 (I did) or apply to grad school (same here).
Just remember that having a plan is not the most important thing you need as you graduate from college.
More important than having a plan is looking people in the eye, having a firm handshake, being prepared in an interview, and not dressing like a hoochie.
If you must have a plan, plan to dress like a grown-up and not a life-sized BRATZ doll.
That’s what I would tell those women over coffee.
Are You Leading The Life You Want?