This is the first in a multi-part series about friendship. I think friendships for adult women are challenging. Especially once we stop having the obvious things in common; same college, same age, same stage-children. I have often wished that I could ask people I like to fill out a “friend questionnaire” so I could identify potential red flags before investing time in a relationship destined to blow up eighteen months from now over differing opinions of what constitutes “a good boyfriend.”
Just this week someone I respect initiated getting together with me saying they wanted to “get to know me better,” and I felt so flattered, I practically had to be scraped off the ceiling. I also had a conversation with another friend, who I think of as often enjoying many activities with multiple friends, tell me that she doesn’t think she’s very good at making/keeping friends. And then another acquaintance shared a crushing heartbreak she recently suffered at the hands of her closest pal, reminding me how powerful these relationships can be.
I don’t consider myself a particularly spectacular friend, but for some reason I have friends that far supercede me in terms of their general awesomeness. I also happen to live in the town I grew up in, so I get to run with a particular posse of women that I’ve known since I was 15. They are my people, and this series starts with my favorite one leaving me for Mickey Mouse. And humidity.
In September, my best friend moved to Orlando.
We have been best friends since my junior year of high school. We met in the school choir (yes, I was one of those people). I was 16, she was 17. I’ve told you before about my school choir experience, so I won’t re-hash it here except to say that I wasn’t always the most socially successful or confident person in that context.
I know, you’re shocked.
At one point, I needed some help with the singing stuff. As did several others in my section. So our teacher moved us around, putting one new person next to or in between one or two more seasoned singers.
That’s when I got placed next to Robyn. She was the first chair for our section, kind of a big deal. She was also tall, blond, and gorgeous. Initimidating to me because of her perfect pitch, yet also unfailingly nice with zero enemies. No one ever said an unkind word about her. I was none of those things.
I was ……..other things, also as I’ve already mentioned.
Here’s the deal. Robyn was my constant.
From the very first day we sat together in choir, when I convinced her that I should give her a ride home after school, we were inseparable. We went to Mc Donalds after school that day, and then to TCBY, which was short for The Country’s Best Yogurt. (Think early Yogurtland.)
I remember pulling into her driveway to drop her off at 8:00 that night. And that, as they say, was that.
I’m pretty sure she had other best friends before that day; people she shared secrets with, got rides from, passed notes to. I’m also confident that she was way too classy to hurt my overeager desperately needy written all over both my sleeves and legs and face feelings by telling me that. So when I just made the executive decision that we were hereby best friends, well, she went with it.
We talked about everything; boys, clothes, family. All the classic conversations. If you need context, may I refer you to Beaches.
Robyn being my constant meant that whenever there was a social function or group situation of any kind, I would first find out if she was going. As an introvert, her presence made all the difference; I knew that If she was going to be there, I’d be okay. And to this day, it’s still that way.
Until, that is, she moved to Florida. I’ll tell you more about that next time.
*”All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.