If You Have To Cry, Go Outside

I recently finished reading Kelly Cutrone’s book: “If You Have to Cry, Go Outside; And other things your mother never told you.” I must admit I am a huge fan of Kelly, since I first glimpsed her on The Hills and then saw more of her on The City. (Yes, those shows are on MTV. Don’t be a hater.) When I heard she was getting her own show; “Kell on Earth”, I was ecstatic.

Kelly owns and runs a fashion Public Relation firm called “People’s Revolution”, and the show chronicles the drama that unfolds as she leads interns (as well as “inter-nots,” as she calls them) into the professional world.

It’s probably obvious why I dig Kelly. She’s a kindred spirit in many ways; she’s a mom, business owner, leader. She’s one of my favorite kinds of clients to coach, in that she is self-aware and owns her strengths as well as weaknesses. She also doesn’t spend a lot of time second-guessing herself or doing anything halfway, which makes for great television. And a generally interesting life.

Despite having a co-author, the book did not disappoint. I had been curious about whether Kelly would be able to communicate as fully “herself” in writing as she is on the television screen, but what I read was vintage Kelly. While the story of her life is fascinating—I haven’t heard of anyone else who fought their way out of addiction and homelessness to become a brutally honest force for women and fashion- I most appreciate the way she is able to translate her own experience into valuable information for others who are at an earlier place in their own journey. That’s one of the marks of a successful self-leader.

The lowest point of the book for me was the section entitled: “12 Steps to Starting Your Own Religion.” While I do appreciate –and resonate with– Kelly’s commitment to naming and owning the spiritual component in business and life, her treatment of religion in the book seemed a bit conflicted. The message seemed to be a bit fuzzier version of: “Believe whatever you want, just as long as it’s not something organized that lots of other people agree with you about. Because then you’re a sheep.”

Sheep get a bad rap sometimes, is all I’m saying.

Highest point by far: the ENTIRE second-to-last-chapter, about getting your first “real” job and starting out in the work world. Her advice about how to present oneself in a professional office setting, to get along with colleagues and impress one’s boss, to manage expectations of what the job will give you versus demand of you—love, love, love. Want to photocopy and give to everyone who has ever worked for me, or ever will. Especially to you who are reading this right now who are wondering if I am talking about you and if I am saying that you should go buy this book just for that chapter.

Yes I am, and yes I am.

Here are a few of my favorite quotes about the workplace from Kelly:

Women have been taught that, in order to get ahead, we have to be secretive and plotting and manipulative, because a straightforward route to the top hasn’t always existed for us, and in many industries it still doesn’t. But I don’t believe in playing into these stereotypes. We don’t have to stab each other in the back, we don’t have to take things personally and break down when we’re criticized, and we don’t have to advance at each others’ expense. (p.158)

We may cultivate a purposefully casual atmosphere in our offices, but that doesn’t mean we have a casual attitude about work. Haul those Fed Ex boxes and don’t give me or anyone else the luxury of seeing you lose control of your emotions in a professional setting. Once you enter a workplace, you’re surrounded by grown-ups, not friends. Your boss is not your boyfriend, and she’s not your therapist. She is a person who is paying you to do a job. If you (or she, for that matter) thinks otherwise, you will be burned. (p.160)

Kelly describes herself as the “Mama Wolf” of the pack she leads at People’s Revolution. I dig what that says about her ferocity of heart regarding doing her job well. I admire the way she doesn’t sacrifice staff or company interests for clients’ petulance, or vice versa.  Lastly, I have oodles of respect for her professional judgment, and I sure don’t toss that around like a free gift with purchase.

Kelly explains that there were several points along the way to where she is now when she had to face some stiff realities about leadership and power.

“It’s not enough just to listen to your inner voice and ask yourself the hard questions about who you are and what you believe. Eventually you need to get strategic about refining and communicating to others who you are and what you believe if you want to succeed. In other words, now that we’ve dealt with the inside, you need to get real about the outside. “

“Being direct, funny, social and cute—the traits that had often helped me get by—were simply not enough when I was running the show.”

Two thumbs way up.

She says that her book is not really a book about fashion, but rather is about helping people realize that they’ve been programmed. “….there are people [out] there experiencing someone else’s dream. And if there are people around you who aren’t listening to you, who don’t believe that you can manifest what it is you are dreaming, or don’t want you to, then you should get the [beep] away from them.”

Thanks, Kelly, for being true to your brand and giving us more of who you are in your book. Although we may not agree on some elements of spiritual practice, you are a hero to many. Press on towards the goal of helping young women deprogram and trust their intuition.

Lead your life.