How Underwear makes you Self Aware

I know what you’re thinking. That’s not a title you see every day.

But I am getting ready to talk about this and this at a place I love tomorrow, and it’s reminded me of how important the little things are.

Like what kind of underwear you’re wearing.

If you know me well or have been coached by me, you’ve probably heard my reminder that on “those” days; days when you’re nervous or anxious or insecure, or just feeling a bit unstable—you should wear the fanciest, most expensive, best pair of underwear you own.

I say that because I am a firm believer in the power of knowing something others don’t know. We’ve all experienced the painful side of this truth; when others keep knowledge from you that could be helpful to you, and you recognize anew that information is power.

Wearing underwear that only you know about is like having your own secret weapon, which levels the playing field in your mind.

And that, my friends, is where the battle is won.

Does it have to be underwear? No. It could be a special piece of jewelry, lucky socks, even a tattoo. But underwear works.

And what you say to yourself when you are wearing cool underwear…………is powerful.

The fancy underwear is really just the beginning. It’s like the gateway drug to operating at your highest level of influence. Believe it or not, it helps make you more self-aware, which is the best way I know to begin leading yourself.

An important element of self-leadership is what is called in counseling circles “self-challenge.” Self-challenge takes motivation and courage, because it requires the discomfort of acknowledging that what you’ve been doing so far isn’t working. It means clearing out self-defeating negative thoughts and substituting more self-enhancing positive thoughts. Examples of such thoughts are: “I’ll never be able to find another satisfactory relationship”, or “This experience is more than I can bear;” or “This is just one more event that proves how inadequate I really am.”

Statements such as these are usually based on deeply entrenched beliefs about one’s adequacy and control that are developed over a lifetime. Hence,, they are difficult to change. It is possible, however, to change some of this negative thinking and and consequent self-defeating behavior through a 5-step process.*

In addition to wearing special underwear:

Step 1) Remind yourself that you are in control of your life and that this control includes your thoughts.

Step 2) Seek awareness of what you are saying to yourself through rigorous self-examination questions like: “What am I telling myself that is making me upset?” Being clearly aware of the self-message is the beginning step. To make this real in your life, write down two messages you have given yourself this past week that were self-critical and had self-defeating results.

Step 3) Examine those statements for flawed or distorted reasoning. For example, do you exaggerate by using words such as “never,”  “always,” or “every”? Do you overgeneralize by drawing a false conclusion from one small incident? How well do your perceptions of events align with those of others who were there?

Step 4) Now set about about restructuring or reframing the negative statements in Step 2. For example, a reframing of the first illustration above might be “Even though it will be difficult for me to leave this relationship, I will probably find others in the future.” Note that this statement doesn’t just exaggerate in the opposite direction, but allows for more nuanced possibilities.

Step 5) Keep trying. Changing your deep-seated thought patterns takes effort and practice. Don’t give up.

The most important person you listen to all day is you.

Whatever you say to yourself is a web of words you spin to your benefit or harm, but you are always listening to your voice.

The point is not whether we talk to ourselves or not, the point is what we say and how we say it.

Now head over to Victoria’s Secret.

And lead your life.

*Adapted from The Helping Relationship; Process and Skills; Brammer and Mac Donald, Allyn and Bacon 2003.