Sorry for the delay. My Internet went down last night. It’s back now.
Let’s recap. Last week I talked about how I had been stalled/fired by a client for the first time. A few things I would like to clarify, for those more fond of jumping to conclusions.
When I said that I thought one response to my client’s statement but then said something else, I did not mean to imply that I hid my true feelings from him. Dishonesty is not self-leadership. I did state very clearly to my client that I thought his decision to postpone our next session was overconfident and premature. That part of the conversation was just a bit longer than we had post for, and it wasn’t directly relevant. The point I was trying to make in the previous post was that he made a decision I disagreed with. Over-sharing all the details of the back-and-forth was not necessary.
Also, he may not have been wrong to postpone our next two sessions. Time will tell. I’m open to being wrong (- don’t roll your eyes like that). A part of me actually hopes I’m wrong, because I will learn even more from this situation and relationship than I already feel I have. It’s all part of the classroom of life.
I said that I would tell you more of what I realized as a result of this situation. The nutshell version is that I have had to acknowledge my own passivity in the relationship, and my lack of clarity around when I act as a coach (leader) and when I acquiesce to the direction the client is headed (follower). I know no one is perfect, (-again with the eye-rolling, really), but I grieve that my lack of awareness about this dynamic has caused confusion for clients in the past, and perhaps even compromised the end result. I am also full of gratitude that this recent scenario has brought this tension to life in a way I could finally see it for what it is, and take steps to address it.
What follows is a summation of what I wish I’d clarified overall (with this client and others), from the beginning. It also includes some elements I wish I had followed up on, with this client and others, at certain points in our conversations. I’ve now framed it as part of my typical DTR with a new client, to be said in our introductory call or soon thereafter.
Dear New Client:
I’m more excited than I can say to begin this adventure with you. I’m confident we’ll accomplish a ton and ultimately get you where you want to go. In addition to what I’ve shared with you already about my particular approach and process, I’d also like to establish a few more specific things directly, right from the start.
As you know, I am all about self-leadership. What that looks like can be different in different situations, but what it means is that you feel fully released and powerful about making decisions for your life. It means that through our work, you come to know yourself on a deep level and are able to identify what you really want, as opposed to what you think you want or what you should want but don’t. We will do a lot of work around self-determination and identity, to help you get to the heart of these things within yourself.
This won’t always feel good. Sometimes it will be downright painful. There will be days when you want to press pause, take a knee, come back when you’re rested or feel you have the energy. Or the money. Or any resources at all. There will definitely be days when you will want to stop, when you need to interrupt the process for your own good.
But you are resolving now to live into the future you want for yourself, and that future is worth it. Whether you feel fantastic and on top of the world, or whether you feel like something the dog hacked up, I will walk with you. I won’t give up until we get you where you ultimately want to go. Please don’t give up on yourself.
From this moment on, I reserve the right to call you out on phoning it in. It will be hard for both of us in the moment; our subconscious struggles to nuance fear and anger, especially under pressure. Self-protection is hard-wired. I can promise you that the conversation will get awkward. If you’re on the phone, you’ll wish the call would get cut off. If I’m on the phone, I will close my eyes and scrunch my nose. If we’re in person. we’ll both look anywhere but at each other.
But here’s what I know: I know we’ll get through it. We will come through the other side together. You are known and not alone, and moments like these are like Popeye’s spinach for your soul; you’ll grow exponentially more from that interaction than you will from 100 more typical and safe conversations. And, that’s what I want for you. For us. Growth into who we are made to be.
I’m so glad to work with you. What are your thoughts in response to what I’ve said?
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