Don’t be decieved by my pal Krysta. While she is blisteringly funny, she is also a deep thinker and feeler who wears her heart as far from her sleeve as possible. There is no one else I would want right next to me in the heat of a battle, and I am honored to be called her friend. Rock on, Special K.
Hello Moxy folk!
Your fearless leader asked me to be a guest on her good ol’ blog and my first reaction was, “ Self-leadership huh? Yikes.”
Self-leadership, to me, feels more like what I’ve read about being bipolar.
Now that you know how I feel about my own self-leadership process, I’ll let you in on a few gems: I’m a newly married 28-year-old who quit my secure job in the middle of a recession to start my own company. The hubs, well, he had a really fancy pants job in television and decided he’d quit too to work on his film career about 6 months into aforementioned marriage. We are currently in the phase a lot of successful entrepreneurs joke about on panel discussions, “Ha! Remember that time we almost lost our house? Man, that was crazy.” Yeah. Real crazy jerk faces.
I can handle the stress of having two entrepreneurs under one roof, being newly married and having a mortgage without a steady income. What I can’t handle is my own brain.
I used to pride myself in being Ms. Independent. In fact, when I moved from Kansas to L.A., my friends back home were certain I would be single forever and live in a corner office. I was really proud of my financial independence and ability to take care of myself. And I loved that people saw me as more of a man than a pansy girl.
Then the hubs came along. He affirmed my ambition and even pushed me to stick it to the man and start my own thing. About two seconds after the wedding madness subsided, I realized my entire world had changed. I traded in my identity for a new last name, my downtown loft for a house on the Westside and my job title for what seemed to be a new career in homemaking.
Pride is a funny thing. I had to get over the fact that the hubs was funding my dream. I had become DEPENDENT on someone else, which was completely against everything I stood for. Once I got over myself, I realized I actually liked being taken care of. There was something liberating in knowing I didn’t have to do it alone … that I had a partner.
Ownership is another doozy. I have a tendency to get UBER defensive in conversations that question my worth or ability, even if they’re merely questions, not accusations. My therapists says I’m a textbook child of an alcoholic, but I’d like to give myself a bit more credit and say it’s really just a giant lack of maturity and character.
I’ve learned how important it is to take responsibility for the story I’m telling myself when someone is having a conversation with me and most importantly, how I respond. Note: I don’t actually do this well, but I’m trying. Promise.
Lastly, and probably most important (for me, at least), I’m learning to give myself the freedom to change my mind. I don’t want to give you the sob story of what it’s like to be a girl in my generation. Let’s face it, a lot of women took a beating to make sure I even had a choice between career and being a stay-at-home-mom. But here’s the thing … I thought those were my only two options for a really long time. Since I felt I had to pick one, I chose the one I identified most with: the more masculine career-driven life. I owned it … ran with it … and eventually got a little bored with it.
Conan O’Brien said something in a commencement speech at Dartmouth that really struck me:
“It is in our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.”
Read that again and let it sink in.
I didn’t necessarily fail at being hard ass, career-driven Krysta. But if I were really honest with myself (and you), I’d say it just isn’t working for me anymore. I could keep pretending just to save face and spare myself the embarrassment. Or I could change my mind and create new dreams for myself based on what I know now that I didn’t know 10 years ago when I put myself on this trajectory.
The point is … I wasn’t fooling anyone and I bet you aren’t either. So let go, get real with yourself and start being the person everyone else already sees behind the job title and elevator pitch. If you don’t have those kinds of people in your life, get new friends. You can’t do this without people you trust will kick your ass a little when it matters most.
Krysta Masciale is a sassy city dweller with strong midwest roots. Her passion for exposing raw talent and human potential manifests itself through her career in branding. As a new business owner, she has a greater belief that honesty is the best policy … even if it means other people will find out she doesn’t have it all together. Find her at www.krystamasciale.com.
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