This TED Talk by Meg Jay just lit me up.
I feel like there are parts that I could have written. I can tell you stories for hours— days, even,– about 20-somethings I have worked with that sound just like the ones she shares.
And yet, I have also seen many of my 20-something clients crippled by overanalysis and excruciating self-consciousness, to the point where I have often said to myself:
“No one on earth is as afraid of making a mistake as a 20-something is.”
Except for maybe a new mother. But that’s another post.
I’m dying to know- what do you all think? My tribe of pals, many of you preparing to leave your 20?s — does this ring true?
And you (older, wiser) early-30-somethings- what resonates with you about this talk?
Do any of you wish you’d heard this perspective earlier in your life?
What (else) do you wish you’d known?
oh man. This post definitely hits home. and makes me want to have breakfast with you.
I would say that I’m absolutely more afraid than ever before of making a mistake. And you’re right; the best way to describe the fear & overanalysis is “crippling”. I’m so afraid of making a mistake or screwing up the rest of my life that I feel paralyzed & unsure of where to step next. That fear lends itself to a temptation to do nothing. From day to day I vacillate between sitting motionless in the fear & channeling it into motivation to go out & grab life by the horns.
Thanks for posting this. If nothing else, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this bizarre chapter of life.
Her point about the 20s being the time to change something you want to change in yourself is interesting, but I think the truth is that change can and will come at any time a person desires and has the gumption* to do so. And while viewing the 20s as a deveopmental sweet spot is a good way to see it, I’ve seen plenty of significant development in those who are older. Still, the stats she cites compel the conclusion that a lot goes on in the 20s that demographers don’t see happening for large portions of people who are older.
One other thing she said that I think is true is that 30 is not the new 20. Everyone knows that 50 is the new 20.
Cheers,
Tim
*You can tell I’m no longer in my 20s because I use words like “gumption”.
P.S. Michelle! How are you? Liz and I and the kids are great. I found out that you’re a close friend of Lesley Sebek Miller. She and I connected through blog writing, and the whole Miller family came out to Davis to hang out with us for an afternoon at the park.
Thanks Em!!! I would think you would resonate with Meg’s point about building identity capital– finding stuff to get involved with that will challenge you and keep you on a learning edge. Also the advice to use your weak ties- totes applies to you right now, I bet. And let’s have another breakfast like last time– soon 🙂
This talk was fabulous! Thanks for posting. I love her advice to 20 somethings. If I could add/offer one piece of advice to 20 somethings I’d say- spend this time determining your gifts and passions (take classes at community college, travel, do informational interviews, etc.) At the same time, get a job even if it’s not something you love. Try it for 1-2 years. Put in the extra hours and grit your teeth when your boss is terrible and weird. At the end of 1-2 years, if you still hate it, then move on. It’s okay to try new jobs in your 20s but don’t convince yourself every position will be a perfect fit. It’s not until later that you’ll see the ways each job prepared your for the next. Someday you’ll wake up and things will be a lot clearer, and it’s all because you floundered for awhile.
Thanks Lesley! I agree with your thoughts. I’ve seen many 20- and even young 30-somethings- do well after trying what you suggest. So much of it is expectation management, and yet the pushing through and not giving up is essential. Well said, you. 🙂
This was super interesting considering I am only 2 years into my 20 somethings! I remember about a year ago I kept saying to everyone that I was having a quarter life crisis! This was right when I entered my 20s and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Luckily, I had what Meg called the “AHA” moment as a student (instead of a therapist) and realized that the direction I was looking for would soon come.
I wish I knew a few years ago that I should not think about my so-called “identity crisis” as a bad thing, but rather a time to think about my identity capital. Finishing my BA degree and thinking about graduate school was what motivated me to find my own capital to be able to invest in my future.
I think every 20 something year old could learn a lot from hearing information such as this! I love her 3 points: forget identity crisis and focus on identity capital, branch out from your “urban tribe”, and that the time to pick your family is now.
Thanks Michele for sharing this with everyone!
Dee Dee, I love how you describe reframing your identity crisis as an opportunity rather than a bad thing. So stoked to be a part of your journey. Press on!
Going to share this post on the Love and Respect Now FB page soon. Hopefully will add to the discussion. Thanks lady. Hope you are well!!
Thanks Joy! Miss you. Stay classy!
Oh man….I only wish I had heard all of this in my twenties! And she’s right…30 does feel like the new 20 to those of us who had little to no guidance about making capital decisions for ourselves ten years ago.
That being said, I think early 30-somethings can just as easily pull from their strengths and the skills they’ve gained in the past 10 years, and in short order, get the ducks in a row to immediately start living the life they’ve always wanted. It’s never too late to start living a better life! Plus, I’ve never been one to follow all the rules of “I should have this by the time I’m…” anyhow 😉
Great point, my ever optimistic friend. 🙂 I agree with you, and can think of several good friends in their (a-hem) early 30’s who are acing it. You are my hero!
I’m having an awkward solo dinner in a basement restaurant in China right now. It seems like a suitable place as any to get some good hard life advice. That’s what this talk felt like to me. You know as well as anyone Michele how much time I can spend overanalyzing or self-critiquing. The flip side of that for me is sort of an impetuous extreme.
For me, claiming my twenties is being conscious and purposeful in my decisions, but not spending too much time analyzing the formative potential of my choices. I appreciate where the speaker is coming from, trying to speak truth and sense against a flippant post-college culture. The truth still feels a bit like a punch in the stomach, even though I mostly feel good about where my mid-twenties have led so far. Putting too much emphasis on any phase of life is suspect in my mind. Perhaps that’s because I don’t want to deal with the responsibility it entails, but that’s where I’m at.
Still, I’m grateful for some new ideas to mull over since I’m pretty sure I won’t be around anyone who speaks English for another couple days. 🙂 Thanks for sharing MM!
Ness, I am thinking of you and your epic run! I also appreciate your point about the internal conflict this video brings up in you. For what it’s worth, I feel great about where your mid-twenties have led you. :). Can’t wait to hear what else you have come up with as you mull and run…and run…and run….