This is the fifth in a multi-part series about friendship. You can read the first post here, the second post here, the third here, and the fourth here.

I had a tough conversation with a friend last week. We may not be friends anymore. I also made a new friend. And, minutes before beginning this post, a friend from what sometimes feels like another life contacted me and wanted to talk. The journey continues, and this series reminds me of the influence that friendships of all categories and intensities have on my life. Most of all, I’m grateful for what God does through them. Because often, they are where God shows up

Right here in our (continuing) story, for example,  is where God shows up for Mephibosheth. Terrified, crippled, alone, forever lame Mephibosheth.

Watch what happens next, after Mephibosheth falls to the floor and says: “Behold, I am your servant.”

David replies to him: “Do not fear, for I will surely show you kindness for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather, and you shall eat bread at my table continually.”

Then Mephibosheth bowed himself and said; “What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?”

At this point, I want to say something about what we’re doing here. And by here I mean here, on this blog, and also here, in life, as Christ-followers. I know this blog series has turned into the multi-part story that got away, like my first conversation about women and friendship was the gateway drug to this blog series. And yes the cliffhangers are a little like waiting to find out the ending to Inception.

Here’s the deal. When I read the records of Jesus in the Bible, of him walking and talking and “doing stuff,” a lot of times I read them as examples. Things I want to aspire to. A life I want to live. His patience, his wisdom, his equanimity – all character traits I desire.

And so my faith can start to look like things I do, and my understanding of myself as a Christian can resemble a to-do list. Forgive that person. Give resources towards that cause. Share this encouragement. Support that initiative. You get the idea.

It’s tempting for me to read this story, about David and Mephibosheth, and see it as another instruction. Be more like David. Give grace to the undeserving. Show mercy.

Which is not a bad thing. By all means, feel free to see this chapter as a call to be generous like David. At the same time, let’s remember that Christianity is not a list of Dos and Don’ts.

The good news in this chapter invites us primarily to be like Mephibosheth, not David. To let God do something wonderful for us, today.

I would love for us to be able to put ourselves in the place of the poor, crippled, rejected, petrified young man, utterly confused, as he stands before the king who almost died so many times at the hand of the boy’s grandfather, and to hear the king say this to us.

Because here, my friends, is where Mephibosheth, in his amazement and skepticism, discovers what is true of us as well.

He discovers that he has been restored.

No, he didn’t retrieve the ability to walk. Mephibosheth’s weakness did not vanish. The end of the story is clear about that. “He was [still] crippled in both feet.”

But he was given a place at the table of the king. This goes far beyond giving Mephibosheth what was rightly his. This is extravagant provision.

 Next time I’ll tell you how Robyn did this for me.

* “All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.

This is the fourth in a multi-part series about friendship. You can read the first post here, the second post here, and the third here.

The opportunities to reflect on the friendship in my own life continue. I got to have a precious phone conversation with a long-lost comrade right before she went to look at buying a boat- to live on! And this weekend I reconnected with one of the truest friends my heart has ever known. The best is yet to come- with friends and with this series. Because we are getting to the good part now. 

Remember the story of the covenant of friendship between David and Jonathan? And of Mephibosheth – Jonathan’s son who was dropped by a nurse at the age of 5 and was crippled for the rest of his life?

If you’re still reading along at home, you may have already gotten to the beginning of Chapter 9 in the book of 2 Samuel in the Bible.

At this point in the story, many years have passed. (FYI, each chapter in 1 and 2 Samuel isn’t in a period of time. Some chapters cover great periods of time. Helpful. )

What’s important now is that the kingdom has now been established and fulfilled in David, and David is the king of Israel.

Now get this: one day, David remembers the covenant he made with Jonathan. You may recall that Jonathan literally risked his own life; risked the wrath of his own father who was out to kill David, by protecting David. Because he and David had a covenant, wherein David promised that he would provide for and protect the house of Saul forever. But now- it’s as if one day David wakes up and wonders of the now-decimated house of Saul….is there anyone left from it that he could shower covenant kindness upon?

(Verse 1 of 2 Samuel Chapter 9: “And David said; is there still anyone left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?”)

There’s a servant in David’s household, Ziba, who had previously been a servant in the household of Saul. It made sense to ask him if he had any knowledge of anyone remaining from Saul’s household.

Ziba said to the king, “Yes, there is still a son of Jonathan, he is crippled in his feet.” The king inquires where he is, and the account goes on. That son is Mephibosheth.

Mephibosheth had lost his health, his family, his position, his money….it’s hard to imagine something that hasn’t been taken away from Mephibosheth. In that world, in that culture, at that time he had nothing. There was no insurance, no Obama care or HMO’s or assisted living facilities. He was living as a reject, utterly poor, without any power to change his state.

There is also a good possibility that Mephibosheth had no knowledge of the covenant that was made between Jonathan and David, as he was just a tiny boy when that was made.

And so the king sends for Mephibosheth.

The story reads: “And Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David and fell on his face and paid homage. And David said, ‘Mephibosheth!’ And he answered, ‘Behold I am your servant.’ And David said to him; ‘Do not fear.'”

Why would David say that?

When Mephibosheth was called into David’s presence, he most likely was terrified, because the custom of the time was that new households would finish off any descendants in the previous household when they took the throne, so there could be no challenge to the throne.

As the grandson of dead King Saul, Mephibosheth was an heir to the throne that David now possessed. So his first thought may have been that the king would kill him because he might see him as a threat. For all Mephibosheth knew, he was being ushered to his death.

Secondly, and perhaps some of us can relate to this, it’s probable that Mephibosheth had experienced little in his life that would make him believe that something good could happen to him. Not a lot of winning lottery tickets in his life; more like the knocks on the door bring bad news. Growing up in that context; dependent, vulnerable, defenseless; I’m guessing he expected injury. It’s the safest bet.

Are you tracking with this? Can you identify with being a victims of circumstance? Maybe some of you have experience being innocently wronged by others’ mistakes?

Like Mephibosheth who trusted his nurse, we can relate to being dropped by those in whom we’ve placed our trust. We’re living altered lives because a person whom we loved and gave our hearts to has “dropped” us in some way. And our lives may still be suffering from the crippling effects of these disappointments.

Everyone has been “dropped” somehow. And if you haven’t, you will be. It’s no wonder that some of us are afraid to trust again.

Many of us are afraid to take risks or to step out in faith because the idea of making one more mistake freaks us out. Sometimes it feels as if we are hanging on by a fine thread. If God is a merciful God, we wonder when we will start seeing the mercy.

It’s so close. The mercy is. Wait and see.

* “All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.

This is the third in a multi-part series about friendship. You can read the first post here and the second post here.

I feel like as soon as I started posting on this topic, stories about friendships started showing up everywhere. Here, for example- said much better than I could. I’m scrutinizing my own friendships differently than I ever have, and becoming more aware of my own weaknesses and aspirations regarding my friendships with other women. Who knew that the story of one friendship would be so resonant? 

Actually, it’s the story of two friendships.

The first you’ve already heard about; my friendship with Robyn. The other one I’m going to tell you about in this post- the one between David and Jonathan.

To understand my friendship with Robyn, you need to know about David and Jonathan.

No, they were not our double dates for prom. They were friends in the Bible.

The story of how David and Jonathan met and became friends begins at Chapter 18 of the book of 1 Samuel in the Bible. They formed a covenant where they promised one another that they would fight for and protect one another. Which sounds cool until Chapters 19 and 20 show Jonathan’s father, King Saul, being so threatened by David that he tries to have him killed. Multiple times.

Talk about your awkward holiday get togethers. Hashtag: You tried to kill my BFF.

I digress. This mini-story of friendship between two men is meant to function as a lens through which we can view the meta story of redemption and fellowship in God’s kingdom. It can help us understand the dynamics of the bigger story that God is writing with us and gives a tangible example of how you and I can live with others as God would have us live.

A lot of other stuff happens in this dysfunctional relational triangle of David, Jonathan and Saul – David goes to war with Saul, he almost kills Saul in a cave but then lets him live, but then Saul dies anyway later, and so does Jonathan. And then David becomes king.

In Chapter 4 of the book of 2 Samuel, we learn that Jonathan had son before he died, and his son was named Mephibosheth.

Specifically, 2 Samuel 4 tells how when Mephibosheth was five years old, his father Jonathan, David’s best friend, was killed in battle along with Jonathan’s father, King Saul.

We are then told that when Mephibosheth’s nurse heard the news of the murder of Jonathan and Saul, she panicked and ran, carrying little five year old Mephibosheth in her arms. At some point while running, the nurse dropped the child, damaging his feet and causing him to become crippled for the rest of his life.

The baby prince who was in the line of succession to the throne became a damaged beggar who lived as an orphan in hiding.

What would have been a life of wealth became a life of misery, tragedy and heartbreak.

You’ll never guess what happens next. 

 * “All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.

This is the second in a multi-part series about friendship. You can read the previous post here.

I’ve gotten some feedback that others have been thinking about this as well. One of my pals had a very challenging “girls weekend,” and felt confused and dissatisfied afterwards, like she was ungrateful for something everyone else unconditionally loves. I was reminded by other friends of the challenges that come with supporting friends at different stages of life; some dealing with aging parents, others single when you are not, or those still with babies when yours are driving. Lots to navigate.

So back to the story of us – Robyn and I, best friends since high school.

Robyn graduated one year ahead of me but stayed in town for college. Things stayed pretty much the same until I graduated and left for college in Nor Cal.

It was just like people say- you may lose touch day-to-day, but when I came home to visit, it was like no time had passed. We often joked about me moving back, and how if that happened we would probably spend the same amount of time together that we did when I lived a six hour drive away. Then I did, and we did.

Despite the inherent awkwardness of reuniting after over ten years of living in different towns, eventually we found our way back to each other.

We talked sometimes about the difference between having a history with someone and having a friendship with someone.

I can have a history with you because we both worked at the same place at the same time, we had a lot in common and watched the same tv shows and ate at the same places near our job. But once one of us leaves that job, we don’t really have a friendship. What we have is more like a history- a shared context for that period of time, which may or may not be meaningful, but that does not transcend that time or place.

Robyn and I share a bond that goes beyond the times that we’ve been together over the years. It’s a friendship forged not just by shared experiences, but by a faith that would not let either of us go. She has definitely been one of the most formative influences on my faith development as an adult.

I don’t think we consider our faith as it relates to our friendships very often.  

Maybe your friends have always been those people in your life that shared a particular interest or circumstance.

My friend Amy and I were neighbors all through elementary school. We shared many toys and clothes, and walked to school together for years. There’s nothing like your first playmate friend.

Or my friend Karen in junior high, who introduced me to the wonder that is buttered cheerios. She also introduced me to tequila, but that’s another post.

My friends Lori and Jenni from college, who shared my passion for vocational ministry and who continue to inspire and challenge me with their faith and action.

Let’s not forget my dear friend Greg at graduate school who helped me see myself for the first time as a professional with a career, not just a job.

And of course there are many other friends made at different jobs over the years, at churches, parents of my kid’s friends, and of course my one special friend that is my husband.

But the difference between my friendship with Robyn and all of those friendships is significant. You’ll see why next time.

* “All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.

This is the first in a multi-part series about friendship. I think friendships for adult women are challenging. Especially once we stop having the obvious things in common; same college, same age, same stage-children. I have often wished that I could ask people I like to fill out a “friend questionnaire” so I could identify potential red flags before investing time in a relationship destined to blow up eighteen months from now over differing opinions of what constitutes “a good boyfriend.”

Just this week someone I respect initiated getting together with me saying they wanted to “get to know me better,” and I felt so flattered, I practically had to be scraped off the ceiling. I also had a conversation with another friend, who I think of as often enjoying many activities with multiple friends, tell me that she doesn’t think she’s very good at making/keeping friends. And then another acquaintance shared a crushing heartbreak she recently suffered at the hands of her closest pal, reminding me how powerful these relationships can be.

 I don’t consider myself a particularly spectacular friend, but for some reason I have friends that far supercede me in terms of their general awesomeness. I also happen to live in the town I grew up in, so I get to run with a particular posse of women that I’ve known since I was 15. They are my people, and this series starts with my favorite one leaving me for Mickey Mouse. And humidity.

In September, my best friend moved to Orlando.

We have been best friends since my junior year of high school. We met in the school choir (yes, I was one of those people). I was 16, she was 17. I’ve told you before about my school choir experience, so I won’t re-hash it here except to say that I wasn’t always the most socially successful or confident person in that context.

I know, you’re shocked.

At one point, I needed some help with the singing stuff. As did several others in my section. So our teacher moved us around, putting one new person next to or in between one or two more seasoned singers.

That’s when I got placed next to Robyn. She was the first chair for our section, kind of a big deal. She was also tall, blond, and gorgeous. Initimidating to me because of her perfect pitch, yet also unfailingly nice with zero enemies. No one ever said an unkind word about her. I was none of those things.

I was ……..other things, also as I’ve already mentioned.

Here’s the deal. Robyn was my constant.

From the very first day we sat together in choir, when I convinced her that I should give her a ride home after school, we were inseparable. We went to Mc Donalds after school that day, and then to TCBY, which was short for The Country’s Best Yogurt. (Think early Yogurtland.)

I remember pulling into her driveway to drop her off at 8:00 that night. And that, as they say, was that.

I’m pretty sure she had other best friends before that day; people she shared secrets with, got rides from, passed notes to.  I’m also confident that she was way too classy to hurt my overeager desperately needy written all over both my sleeves and legs and face feelings by telling me that. So when I just made the executive decision that we were hereby best friends, well, she went with it.

We talked about everything; boys, clothes, family. All the classic conversations. If you need context, may I refer you to Beaches.

Robyn being my constant meant that whenever there was a social function or group situation of any kind, I would first find out if she was going. As an introvert, her presence made all the difference; I knew that If she was going to be there, I’d be okay. And to this day, it’s still that way.

Until, that is, she moved to Florida. I’ll tell you more about that next time.

 *”All For Love” refers to one of the songs that instantly transports me back to high school. Nancy Wilson from Heart sings it as part of the soundtrack of the movie “Say Anything.” Join me in appreciating lace gloves and trenchcoats with shoulderpads here.

There’s a lot to say – and read – about 2014. From Ebola to Ferguson and more, much was discussed. Even though I read quite a bit about those things, that is not what this list is about.

This list is about the 12 articles/posts/pieces that I kept returning to, over and over again.

It takes a lot for something to stick with me for days or even weeks – I’m a binge-er when it comes to information. I read online throughout the day; at night I read print books or stream stuff. I’m pretty gluttonous about my intake of words, which means I probably read over a million words to find these gems. As Erin Brockovich said: “I’m really quite tired.”

What follows are the 12 most impactful things I read online this year.

1) Why Some Kids Try Harder and Some Kids Give Up

Even though I totally disagree with the idea that “your brain is like a muscle,” this post was one of the two I read this year that revolutionized my parenting. I’ve started using these concepts at work as well.  For more information, check out the book Carol wrote based on her research.  

2)  Under The Volcano

We watch a lot of cooking shows in my family, and Anthony Bourdain has taken us places and shown us sights we never could have imagined. I’m grateful for his uncompromising curiosity.

3)  How To Tell If Having Kids Will Ruin Your Marriage

Best line: “It’s misleading to suggest that kids destroy marriages when what they really do is reveal the fault lines.” Yes infinity.

4) Ten Ways You’re Making Your Life Harder Than It Has To Be

If you’re a “4” on the Enneagram, please print this out and post it on every mirror you own. If you’re not a “4,” still do that.

But especially if you’re a “4.”

5)  What Autism Has Taught Me…..So Far

This is long and so painful that I squinted at my computer screen while I read it. But it taught me.

6) God In Adoption

Most of my closest friends have adopted. I needed to read this.

7) Ten Things To Do Differently Before You Lose Your Temper

The other post that revolutionized my parenting. We really need to talk more about women and anger.

8)  Let Me Make Your Kid A Buddhist

This caused quite a bit of controversy in some circles, and the comments are a whole other story. Definitely made me think.

9)  Short Animation Describes What Drug Addiction Is Like

I may have used this at work. Stunning and effective. My friends in recovery (aren’t we all?) agree.

10)  The Long Road Back

If I had to squint to read the other post, I needed to pause, get up, walk around and take a drink of something at several points before I could finish this one. Because life.

11)  Share This With All The Schools, Please

This post went viral with very good reason. Teachers rule.

12) Okay, this isn’t a written piece, but one day this year was the. worst. and I came home and found this and promptly watched it three times in a row. And then I watched it every day for over a week. Because God.

Shauna Niequist talks about Psalm 16: https://willowcreek.tv/archive/psalms/#top

Looking back over this list, there are more than two parenting-related readings. That’s probably because my parenting is the area of my life I feel most vulnerable about; the task I feel most inadequate to face. So I seek advice, wisdom, encouragement from others more about that then anything else.

Perhaps you too feel inadequate about something, and so seek reassurance and good company.  If so, you have a friend in me.

I wish you and yours all the magic and reality 2015 has to offer.

See you soon.

I’ve been talking a lot.

I’ll have more to say after the holidays, but for now here’s something to enjoy while you’re laying on the couch after eating turkey and pie and thinking about what’s most important.

http://vimeo.com/109668643

I did a lot of traveling and speaking in the fall.

I liked it, though it was definitely different from hanging out here.

Remind me to tell you about the time my carry on broke IN. THE. AIRPORT.

I walked into the Brookstone store and swapped everything out right there in the store.

Bam.

Then I went to Westmont, my favorite former workplace, and talked about the Whole30 program that I did last year. This time I related the Whole30 to the story of the invalid in John 5 who Jesus asks if he wants to be made well.

I hope you like it.

I gave a talk in Danville about a month ago.

Met some of the most amazing moms I’ve ever known, and of course they don’t think they’re amazing at all. They think they’re just doing their thing.

Just in case you’re a mom and you think you are just doing your thing, nbd, let me tell you – you are a hero. You are a life-giving, character-building, nurturing ninja, and you are doing a phenomenal job.

If you promise not be distracted by the WORLD’S LEAST FLATTERING MAXI DRESS, you can watch my talk here or try clicking on the “Mothers Together” link below.

Mothers Together

So the days have pretty much gotten away from me, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought of you often and missed you lots.

I’ve been reading some good stuff lately. Much of it has reminded me of our past conversations, and I wonder if you’ve seen it too.

Let me know what you think!

How To Get Better At Small Talk

(from The Huffington Post)

What Matters When Life Overwhelms  

(from Hands Free Mama)

Seven Questions You Are Too Scared To Ask 

(from Marc and Angel Hack Life)

Brian McLaren on How to Respond To Criticism

Some of The Greatest Career Advice You Will Ever Hear

(from Mike Rowe/Life Buzz)

What You Learn In Your 40’s

(from the New York Times)

If A Mom Sang Let It Go from Frozen 

(from YouTube)

He Said He Was Leaving; What She Did Next Will Surprise You 

(from TheWeek.com)

Dear Lonely Mama of Older Kids 

(from Home Sanctuary)

RELATED: Jen Hatmaker On Parenting Teens

and On Parenting Teens That Struggle

The Day I Left My Son In The Car  

(Don’t be afraid, it’s not what you think! – From Salon.com)

And, just because you read this far 

(from OK Go)