My friend and this week’s guest poster Tara Jones is kind of awesome sauce. One of her many gifts is the ability to take something good and fine and make it stupefyingly tremendous. In about 5 minutes. Every time I hang out with her (which isn’t nearly often enough,) my jaw literally drops at her perspective, her drive, and her self-awareness. We all need a little more Tara in our lives, so here’s some for you. You’re welcome.
A little over a year ago, April 2010 to be exact, I moved back to my hometown of Lakeport, California. Never heard of it? Neither have most people. In fact, the population is so small (just over 5,000 people) that I was dreading the move the moment I gave 30 days notice on my studio apartment in the city. Just the thought of waking up with a nice shvitz already gracing my skin from the summer heat had me crying my eyes out just days before I was supposed to move.
You’re probably wondering why in the world a city dweller would uproot her entire life and move back to a dusty ranch she wasn’t crazy about. Every time I looked at my useless collection of stiletto shoes post move, I wondered the same thing. Was my monotonous life in the city really all that bad? Was this really all my idea?
The answer to those questions is yes. It was that bad and it was my idea. I remember waking up day after day unhappy and it was time to make a change. My life had taken a dirty turn from exciting to dull. I was repeating the same boring life and my photography business had become painfully unappealing. The American Dream had gotten the best of me, convincing me to fit the cookie cutter mold of that illusive vision. And in the process, I lost myself.
For years I dreamed of traveling the world and teaching photography. But years of struggling to match up to others’ expectations, or seeking the approval of people I admired, had taken a toll on my identity. I had sacrificed parts of my personality and never let my true self be known to anyone in fear that the real me wasn’t good enough. After the move, I still felt a key piece of my life was missing. I couldn’t quite put my finger on the problem, but I knew in my heart that I had let go of something that I needed back.
By the time October rolled around I was settled in a free wheeling life of adventure on the road. When I wasn’t traveling I was working from my office; a 20-minute drive from the ranch. It was during the commute one day that two little words illuminated and overrode my thoughts like a cheap camera flash: Be fierce! It felt like someone had shouted it to me through a megaphone. That statement, that revelation, couldn’t be ignored and darn near made me swerve off the road!
BE FIERCE!
Fierce was not a word in my vocabulary at that point. And with the exception of flamboyant competitors from Project Runway, I never heard anyone use that word. I certainly never heard anyone say it of me.
As soon as I reached my office I looked up the definition of fierce. It means this: a showing of heartfelt and powerful intensity. I had found my missing piece and it only took me moving out of town, months of traveling and soul searching to find it! Heh. I had lost my passion for being me. For someone who is known for having a big personality this came as quite a shock, but the voice in my head was right.
I was in the bad habit of approaching almost every situation in total timidity. I checked my honesty and personality at the doorway of every opportunity and then ended up scratching my head when things consistently didn’t pan out.
At first I was terrified at the thought of being fierce. Fierceness of identity meant being honest with everyone I knew, and scariest of all, honest with myself. I forged ahead, anyway, starting with my business. I rebranded and exposed my real personality to the photo world. And in short order, my business went from a flatlining blip on the radar to a full throttle pulse of awesomeness! I felt like Sally Field on Oscar night, “You like me, right now, you like me!”
Inspired by the love for Business Tara, I started to voice words I had always wanted to say. I was honest in all my relationships and found the ones that didn’t want to stick around for the real me weren’t worth being involved with anyway. Not to mention, the closeness I found with my family has made me smile every day I’m alive. (I know, I know. Cue the cheesy music!)
As of this year, my quarter-life crisis, as I like to call it, has come to an end. And I find myself living in the city again, but this time a changed girl, a better girl. Instead of trying desperately to fit the standard of what all females should be or what all the “cool” photographers are doing, I am taking charge of my life with all the fierceness I possess. Today I am leading my life.
Tara Jones is a witty world traveling photographer, teacher and foodie (aka self-proclaimed wine snob) who spends most of her time in Santa Barbara. She is currently looking to finagle her way into a house swap in Italy, because life is too short to live it all in one place. To find out way more than you ever wanted to know about Tara, check out her blog at fpshootspeople.com or follow her on twitter @_tarajones.
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