I had the privilege of being on a panel for female college student leaders last weekend at one of the most inspirational places I know, on the topic of women in leadership. I was a bit nervous beforehand and was fighting a wicked cold, but of course as soon as I saw the women I forgot all about that and just wanted to be immediate friends with every single one of them.
Three or four women approached me afterwards and asked if they could have coffee with me sometime and talk about what I do and how they may want to do it, or something similar, someday. I said yes, of course. They may want to talk about grad school, internships, entry-level jobs and LinkedIn. I will want to talk about how they really don’t need a plan for their future as much as they think they do.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally endorse Meg Jay’s perspective about claiming one’s twenties, and not “wasting” time. Goals are great. Knowing your interests and going on informational interviews is admirable and proactive, and will most likely only help you on your journey.
But clinging too tightly to decisions or ambitions that you committed to at one specific point in your life can also prevent you from being open to other, better options down the road. Opportunities that you may not even imagine at one specific point in your 20th year on the planet.
Don’t assume that you will be the primary caregiver when you have kids and so pick something to study that you eventually could drop back to part time for, like teaching or nursing or vocational ministry or bookkeeping or writing.
Because maybe one day you will create a new kind of shoe and discover you have a passion for entrepeneurship. Maybe after your cat dies you remember how much you loved animals and want to be a vet. Maybe you’ve always dreamed of becoming a pilot.
Don’t decide that you would rather be a full time mom so it doesn’t matter what you study in college or whether you go abroad or get an internship ever.
Not because I’m against full-time moms (I think all moms are full time, but that’s another post), but because you never know what will happen to that very worthwhile goal.
Maybe you will adopt a 12-year old who goes away to college when you are 35 and then you realize you’d love to live in another country. Maybe you will marry a man who already has children and the means to provide full-time childcare, so you find yourself with quite a bit of free time. Maybe you wake up one day and you’re 42 and single and you realize you’d like to get your MBA, and your work says they will pay for it.
Plans aren’t bad.
Rigid plans that allow for no deviation or change whatsoever are like the safest, most comfortable and well-decorated prison cells that you can possibly build for yourself.
In her book “Lean In,” Sheryl Sandberg confesses that she doesn’t have a plan. She says: “The reason I don’t have a plan is because if I have a plan I am limited to today’s options.”
I know it feels like this is The. Time. in your life to make The. Big. Decisions. And you’re not wrong if you get married at 22 (I did) or apply to grad school (same here).
Just remember that having a plan is not the most important thing you need as you graduate from college.
More important than having a plan is looking people in the eye, having a firm handshake, being prepared in an interview, and not dressing like a hoochie.
If you must have a plan, plan to dress like a grown-up and not a life-sized BRATZ doll.
That’s what I would tell those women over coffee.
Are You Leading The Life You Want?
I love the “More important than a plan is not dressing like a hoochie!”
Someone I know (I will not mention names) recently worked in an office in which the 24 year old women dressed just like hoochies. In fact, I hate to be judgmental but here I go…they were hoochies so I guess they dressed as they should. However, I so wanted to sit them down and tell them that hot pink stiletto heels, a leopard print pencil skirt and a tight top do not scream, “I AM A PROFESSIONAL! I SHOULD GET A PROMOTION!” Instead, and outfit such as the one described above screams, “I SO WANT YOU TO NOTICE ME! I AM DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION!” And these girls got attention. The wrong kind of attention. Attention that won’t last as soon as they take off their make up and high heels but I guess they got what they thought they wanted? Really, girls, ladies, women: it is pathetic when a girl is trying so hard to get attention that she feels she has to dress as a hoochie, especially in the workplace. Those of us with half a self esteem can see she is trying so hard to be noticed, to have her self-esteem boosted by getting crass attention. Don’t be so transparent – at least not in that way!
I hope these girls will grow up and realize that there is more to life than skin tight skirts and hot pink bras that show through your black shirts but it may be awhile, and in the meantime, those women with a head on their shoulders and a non-hoochie outfit on their body will quickly pass up the hoochies in the workplace…and in the friend/everyday life world.
I’m all for dressing with style. I’m all for cute shoes, skirts, tops, hairstyles, whatever. I just think there is a line you cross when you try too hard. Be aware of that line.
That’s my two cents. 🙂
Oh! And I agree with Michele that you don’t really need a plan.
Life has a way of changing your best laid plans. Maybe have a loose plan, something that guides you, but also be flexible! You never know what is around the corner!
So true and well said Michelle! I am currently at a conference in Florida for senior student affairs officers (NASPA conference) and I never thought that I would be at such a conference when I was in my 20s! Paying attention to what you love to do, what interests you, where you are willing to put in the work is the best thing that you can do at that age. Try things, take risks, find out what you like and what you don’t like so much. This will serve you much better than limiting yourself or thinking that you have to choose between family and career. My partner and children keep me grounded and from going to far into a career and forgetting my other values. And having a career keeps me from being that crazy parent that has no life and can’t let go like some of the parents I meet at orientation (I constantly tell them to get a life!). I feel so lucky to have followed my passions and create a life that fulfills me. Having a concrete plan would have never gotten me here!